Saturday, August 25, 2007

Momma's Milk to Cheeseburgers

After my baby has been exclusively breastfeeding for almost 9 months, he is now eating solid food by default. As the third baby he sometimes fends for himself. That sounds awful, but I'm sure mothers of 3 or more pre-school age and under kids completely understand what I mean. One day, a couple of weeks ago, Isaac was in the older boys' room with Alex. Alex, being the oh-so compliant child, sneaked his pop-tart back into his room. I just felt as though I should check on the boys. I find that Alex has shared half of the pop-tart with his brother, how sweet. Isaac is so happy with his berry goo line stretching across his mouth and to his chubby cheeks. The next solid food encounter came when I was watching my friend's kids. Her son was in our high chair eating peanut butter toast when I realize I hadn't seen my own baby in a while. So, I start looking for him only to find him under the high chair also eating peanut butter toast. Then, the next week, my friend returned the favor and watched my kids. She told me later that Isaac ate some Cheerios before she could stop him. After all of this, I realized maybe its better to just start feeding him food a couple of times a day instead of him eating the wrong things because he's just in the right place at the right time. He doesn't like infant cereal; he wants real food.

We went out to eat after doing some errands for New Beginnings. It was completely unplanned, so I had no supplemental food for Isaac. By default, he had Mexican rice. It's as though he's gone from momma's milk to cheeseburgers overnight. Oh, and last night he stole Alex's chocolate milk and downed the entire sippy cup before anyone noticed. Alex was horrified that his brother drank his "boo-shake." (Ah, my children and their naming abilities.) So, we've officially broken two pre-twelve month old allergy rules...whole cow's milk and peanut butter. Next thing you know, he'll be riding in the front seat of the car.

And I'm not feeling a relief in his transition to a couple of meals a day. I love nursing, I am a breastfeeding advocate. What if we don't have anymore kids...this is the last child I'll makes me a little sad. I have been pregnant or nursing for the last 3 and a half years of my life. It has a lot to do with who I am right now. I just think when it does end, I'll need somewhat of a morning period. And then I'll go on a great date with my husband and stay out for hours and hours and not be ruled by my milk-a-licious breasts. No more rushing home to feed the baby or pumping(which I hate). See, there will be a bright side. Hopefully, though, we will be blessed with a girl in 2-3 years. And then I can start all over again.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Don't Let Yesterday Use Up Today

Somedays I do just that. I let the past wrongs in my life come in, fester, and create turmoil in my life and marriage. So, for the last week and a half, I have been in prayer and just working to filter out the negative. It has been a great week and a half. Brett and I giggle together and enjoy each other more. Love isn't the problem...I LOVE my husband desperately. The problem is my issues from childhood and developing an unforgiving spirit in order to protect myself from hurt. It's much easier to be angry and walk away than to forgive and work it out. Why didn't someone tell me that great marriages actually take work?!? The greater the struggle, the greater the victory. I look forward to everyday, my family's life is growing stronger and my marriage becomes more and more beautiful.

Recently, I was able to see Brett in comparison to other men. It made me love my husband even more. Brett is so kind, forgiving and willing to help. I told him a whole list of my favorite qualities about him, and he told me that's all because he's a redneck with good ol' boy values. I don't know if that is entirely true, but I do also like the country boy in him. I don't know...I've been so hard on him these last couple of months, part of my blames the hormones of new birth control and once again the other part is my festering unforgiving spirit. The old unforgiving person is gone...I am a new creation...God can work with anything if we allow Him, right?

Last week I was telling a friend that I would like to have a girl's fun day to Pinnacle Promenade. I still haven't been. (Gasp!) She asked if Brett would go with me. I told her that he hates shopping. If I took him along, I just wouldn't have a good time right along with him. Then she says, "Sometimes he sounds like such a jerk." I replied, "Ya, but don't all of our husbands sound like jerks to other women." But that's what sent me into severe remorse. Somehow I've made him sound horrible to her and maybe others. Not my intention!!! Why would I make my husband do something he dislikes so very much? I wouldn't want him to drag me off on some forever camping trip. But then again, maybe it was good that she said made me think of all the good and bad qualities of Brett. And let me tell you, the good list is most definitely the long list. It made me see my real husband. Not the false enemy I had created these last months.

So, here Brett and I are. Moving forward, and enjoying each other. Through prayer and seeking God, I am being molded into a more kind and forgiving wife. I love it. I love it when my husband walks in from work and says, "Thanks for being kind and all lovey. You've been really great lately." Thank you, Brett, for meeting my words of affirmation love language. Isn't the Lord great!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Think on These Things

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phillipians 4:8 (ESV)

I walked into our local Christian Bookstore and asked my friend/owner of the store if she had read anything good lately. She said the one's she had read were not worth the $15 purchase. Then she added the next book in Terri Blackstock's series had come out. She asked if I read the first book, and I told her that I had. It's also the only book in my life that I have returned. Her new series is about the power going out everywhere, not even transportation of any kind work. It has a "War of the Worlds" feel. It's completely disturbing. I can handle a bit of disturbing. I enjoyed "War of the Worlds." What I can't handle is the exposure of the depravity of the human race, and the thoughts it leaves you entertaining. You expect it from the secular world, but from a christian author it was a little too much.

During those last few weeks of pregnancy with Isaac, I read a lot of books. This particular book being one of them. I had to read the entire book before I could go to sleep. I was hoping for somewhat of a good ending only to be disturbed further. Exploiting selfishness, murder of the most innocent, twisted trains of thought can't be good or glorifying to the Kingdom. I'm not saying that I live in my little "La La Land" and everything is always sparkling and lit by rainbows, but I do believe in edification and thinking on lovely things. I'm sure not everyone agrees with me; she has a huge fan base. I just think that if you are a Christian, you have a responsibility to watch your words and your actions. Her words in print are somewhat destructive to the things you should think on according to Phil 4:8. She's a talented fiction writer who is able to reach a particular audience; I would just like it if she would feel convicted and not write another destructive thought process promoting series. Just my personal opinion.

By the way, I did tell this to my bookstore friend and she agreed, but admitted she still had to read it. SEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Sometimes You Have a Clear View

The past two weeks have seen me in a melancholy mood. It started on a Thursday that consisted of the baby diving off my bed, an ER visit to get stitches for Tristan, Alex getting a black eye, the garage flooding, and my brother being robbed in broad daylight. Add that to pre-existing marriage issues and reading a book that's making me deal with that and you get melancholy me. As of Monday, I was very emotional. My friend, Dana, called late that night to check on me. It was so good to feel like someone outside my family cared. She let me talk and cry while also being encouraging. It was good. Women get their burst of thought and ideas a lot of times from conversation, while men need their cave. It really helped to have her on the other line. Thanks, Dana!!

So, Tuesday was much better and today was great. I have a clear view. Tuesday we went to test drive a big, honkin' Suburban that Brett has been eyeing for a coulple of months. The next thing you know we were driving it home. It's ours. God really opened up some doors for us in that hour. Just things that shouldn't have happened did. It was that moment in the car dealers office that tears sprang to my eyes, and I realized once again that I didn't let God reign in my life as He should always be able to reign. I had put on my Miss-Fix-It belt again. He humbles me so! So, Brett and I stood on the lot, holding hands and prayed, with two kids in the Suburban and one in the van. We gave our Lord the glory and honor He always deserves.

Today, I had a joy and peace in my spirit. I was able to set aside time for a real moment with God and His Word. How FUN! A friend came over and we worked out together. I completely finished two loads of laundry, the dishes and spent time with the kids. Brett came home and I greeted him with a smile and ice water. (blasted Arkansas summer) I'm not jaded, I know life happens, but I hope to let God always be the fixer and mover...not me. I want to seek Him and find Him. Instead of letting the sadness reign, I'm in prayer for my marriage and family. I think the ER visit really shook me. I guess I had always seen my kids as invincible, and the stitches and blood jilted me off my thought process.

But, today, I was able to see a few things that I love. Here's some of them. I love to catch Brett's eyes, and we stare at each other, almost as if something is being spoken between us. It takes me back five years to being pregnant and living in Fayetteville, looking forward to Fridays with Brett and the Dr's appointment where we would listen to the beat of our first baby's heart. I love shopping with just Alex and seeing him wave at each person and say, "Hi, guys!" Then he goes into horse or truck mode with his neighs or peeling tires. I love when Tristan says the funniest things. Such as,"Dang you level 3!" as he shakes his fist at his video game. Or when Brett is putting together a fossil puzzle and says something along the lines of the instructions might as well be in Chinese. To which T-Bird replies in a voice of exasperation, "We don't need Chinese stuff." (Ya, tell Mattel that) I love that Isaac has discovered his tongue. He even smiles with it sticking out. I love it when he is looking for something he lifts his head up and surveys around. Once he spies the destination, he ducks his head and crawls off at super speed. I love my family. Giggles or tears...I love my family.

I love it when I have a clear view.