Turns out I'm anemic, which would explain the exhaustion and labored breathing. It'll just take a little while to get up to speed again. At least it's something fixable! I wonder how long I've had low iron and red blood cell counts? I've been tired for a couple months and utterly exhausted for a couple of weeks, hmmm...Oh ya, forgot to tell you that we went to Brett's mom and dad's a couple of weekends ago. We were there for two days and I slept through most of it. So embarrassing, and now I know I wasn't being rude...just low oxygen levels in my blood stream. Still embarrassing...wish I would have picked up on the tell-tell signs earlier. I have a sneaky suspicion that the house will throw up on itself again. I don't have the energy to clean, I'll wait for the catch up on iron, rbc and oxygen....anyway, now we know and knowing is half the battle. (GI Joe)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
As some of you know, I have not felt well for about two weeks now. I knew I wasn't pregnant, but I've been tired and forgetful like I might be pregnant. A visit from the crimsom fairy proved me to be right, not pregnant, but ever so tired and scatter brained. What's my challenge here? Why is my body behaving like this? Here's were the symptoms created a funny situation. Yesterday, I was going to get my groceries. Alex was sleepy and said he wanted to go to my mom's. I called Mom and of course she said to bring him over. We arrive, Alex jumps out, and I grab his car seat and go into the house. When I turn around to leave T is standing in the doorway with his car seat in hand. Guess he's going to stay as well. Let me just say, having only one child to man, feels like you have no children to man. Piece of cake!!! Funny how perception works.
Anyway, the baby konked out to sleepy-bye land within two minutes. My mind starts to turn its wheels. Why would I wake him to place him in the grocery cart? He needs a full nap...hmmm...let's go home...We get home...Why would I pull him out of the truck...might wake him...You know, I'm really tired as well...Oooo...look, the seat cover for the cart...just washed...maybe I should use that as a pillow and take a nap here in my truck as well. Listen to the birds...the temperature is just right...good-night.
That's right, I took a nap under my carport in my truck. And no one would have known either, except the UPS man had to drop something off at my house. I was OUT like a baby...but I guess I gave him a start. I mean, who sleeps in their vehicle at their own house. He thought I was passed out sick or worse...once I was awake, I explained how sleepy I was and needed to sleep even if it was in my own vehicle in front of my own house. He thought it was funny and encouraged me to finish my nap. Too late, my blood was pumping too fast to slow the flow down right then. I' decided to go get those groceries.
It really was funny...But I'm still not feeling right. I think I will go to the Doctor. It's more than just being tired and forgetful, but I'm not going to give life to those negative thoughts. I'm praying for restoration in my body and mind. And I'm gonna try to not take naps except indoors...
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I'm looking at my goals that I listed for the month and am noticing that I big time messed up on a couple and have accomplished several. Let me just say that I fell flat on my face with the "don't eat out" goal. I think we ate out more this month than ever before. Why??! I think the reason comes from the purpose. I wanted to take that money that would be spent here and there and invest it in a ministry or give it to a hurting family. How many people would be blessed if people would take an area they splurge on, cut it out for a month, and then invest it into someone else? That area for us is eating out--for others it could be yard sales, the dollar store, movies--who knows, but that area could make a difference to someone else. Lots of people doing little things could change situations and challenges. I think the enemy fought me with a state of tiredness, busyness and altogether fuzzyness. He won this month, but I'm standing strong for next month. Since I failed so greatly and it is an area of weakness, I'm taking it to the Lord this time. I'm determined that someone besides my family will be blessed from those monies normally used for convenience.
Other areas of less than success: I didn't always work out first thing in the morning and I didn't get all of my PMA in. Success includes: NO NEWS!!!!!! Take that negative!!!! I responded rather than reacted several times, even when the dog ate my shoe, the dog ate X's new sandal, I ruined my new bag, and when Brett fished four hours longer than I thought he would. Yea me! I was mildly successful at trusting the Lord the first time and using more positive words. The positive word thing is also linked to association. You are who you associate with and that's something for me to remember.
I see where I need to make adjustments to accomplish some of these. Not giving up and am proud of the small accomplishments.
Friday, April 18, 2008
My kids received an unexpected chocolate surprise. My mom knows that I've been working with the children and encouraging thankful hearts. My mom started by telling them that I had given them such a surprise. She asked if they remembered some of the blessings and fun we had shared today. Then she said, "How much do you love your Momma?"
My Mom: Wow, you can't beat that.
Alex: I can. (in a hush voice, concentrating on chocolate in hand)
My Mom: Your mom takes care of you guys so well and loves you so much.
Tristan: Ya, but sometimes she doesn't take care of us very well.
ME: Like when?!?
Tristan: When I try to talk to you while you are driving, you never turn around to look at me.
There you have it...the great neglect. Pardon me for keeping my eyes on the road, Tristan.
So you know how I write a post every other month about not stepping out for what God has called Brett and I to do? Well, tonight we took steps together toward our goals and calling. On the way home, it was really nasty, dark, rainy, windy...you get the drift. We're just chattin' making our way back into SS when we were jolted by a white SUV clipping us as he went by. SCARY! Brett sped up to get the plate number since the jerk increased his speed by like 20 mph which clearly meant there was no intention of stopping to make ammends. Brett looked at our speedometer and noticed we were going 90mph and making no head way to catch up with this person. We called in the accident which they relayed to SS's finest to be on the lookout. Brett pulled over to inspect the truck. The sound of the actual hit was just awful, but Praise The Lord, they just took our mirror on the driver's side. We didn't wait around to file an accident report for several reasons...1 didn't think SS police would catch them 2 it's after midnight 3 after midnight, chilly and rainy 3 my kids probably had my mother tied up by now...set the Nane free...4 the State police on the phone agreed that we wouldn't even meet our insurance deductible to fix the damage...So, we got out of the accident report and have to pay for a new mirror.
As we roll to our traffic light to turn down our street, we see two handy dandy SS police cars have cornered a White SUV with a mirror hanging off its passenger side. Hmm, wonder who that could be...Blue lights never looked so good!!!! At the site, Brett actually exclaimed, "Haha, there is justice." Ya, sucker you probably got a speeding ticket, leaving the scene of an accident among others...Brett and I thought it was strange they didn't stop. Were they doing something illegal, no insurance? Who knows, BUT I'm so glad they didn't hurt anyone in all of their antics. We stopped to make sure they didn't need anything from us and continued home feeling some sense of closure.
After the hit happened and the realization that this person was not going to stop, I said, "Cr*p, you know why this happened?" Brett in his calm, wonderful voice, "Oh, probably because we've upset somebody..." Somebody, as in little biddy Satan. That's right little guy, we're gettin' clarity and your gettin' nervous, BUT HE put you under our feet where you belong. Woo-hoo! God is more than enough. And on the way to our event we were listening to a pastor on BOTT or Calvary Satelite, and the message was that God is going before us and preparing the way just as he did for Paul. The pastor also spoke about recieving the word you are intended to hear by God. On the way to our meeting, I had an urge to pray for our trip. I used to do this regularly, but in my fuzzyness of late, have not done so every time we get into the car. So, I prayed, and what if it was that prayer that prompted the outcome of all of this? Of course, God can do whatever whenever, but sometimes we don't seek him and listen to him. You know, the night my purse was stolen, I felt like I shouldn't go to the carnival, but did for my kids' enjoyment. A friend was prompted by the Lord to help me out to the car, but she didn't. Neither one of us listened and a horrible aftermath came from that. That has been a tough lesson to learn.
I need to remember that He is going before me and my family and preparing our paths. As ya'll know, I'm working on hearing God's beautiful voice, I hope I listened tonight. Neat to think I did something right.
Oh, ya, this is funny-or at least I think so, when we got to the house, Brett went out to check everything again. Me being the barefoot princess that I am, ran outside with no shoes to "help" him look at the truck under the carport. I was about to head back when I looked down to see the BIGGEST night crawler in the entire world. Fear struck up inside me when the realization came that I might be stepping all over them. "Carry me, Honey." I hitched a piggy back ride into the house with Brett laughing the whole way. He's my hero! Saved me from the worm!!!
I'm so thankful that the Lord gave me a happy ending tonight. I just really needed it. Tomorrow, I have to go fill out a report since they caught Mr Hit and Run. And we won't have to pay for the mirror. YEA!!!!!! Thank you, God!
And excuse the flow of the post, it's late...but the victory endorphines are flowing and had to share with someone.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
My heating element went out in my dryer during the rainy, cold days last week. I had just washed 2 loads and decided to visit the friendly neighborhood landromat. My kids were in laundry heaven, and they let me know how neglected they were to never have visited a laundromat before...poor things...such a bad momma...Anyway, they did really well and even sat in the seats that I asked them to sit in. Well, the two oldest did well; Isaac stole a lady's rolling basket full of clothes and rolled to the other side of the place...are you kidding me??? He's only 16 months old, but, Boy oh Boy, can he get into a mess. I noticed an older lady eyeing the boys the entire time. I was worried they might be on her nerves somehow. She went and sat by them, looked at me, and said, "You know, this reminds me of me and my boys 50 years ago, Dear." She had three boys too, now in their 30's. She looked at me again and added, "The days go slow, but the years go fast." Wow, she captured it, didn't she??? I love being a Momma--it's my joy AND exasperation, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm known to say that I'm unemployable, no amount of money would make me want to switch "careers." And one day, I'll even treasure all of the exasperating moments...But head the words of Grandma Laundress, THE DAYS GO SLOW BUT THE YEARS GO FAST!
Monday, April 14, 2008
With little quips like, Your life is an occasion, rise to it. And, 37 seconds well spent is a lifetime, I have to say that Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium is WONDERFUL! First of all it meets our family's most important criteria of Random...how many times have I said before, we are lovers of random. Second, it echoed an entire conversation I had with Brett this morning!!
I am not currently in a state of depression or even a little forlorn, BUT I am not fulfilled. Er, is it better to say it this way, I don't believe Brett and I are fulfilling the call the Lord has placed in our lives. It leaves my soul aching daily. I've been making steps and goals toward this calling, but Brett and I are not together together anymore. Right now we are just part of that middle-class society that is just comfortable, not even really living...just existing and it's draining me! Mahoney, from Mr Magorium's refers to this as "Just" people. You know, not seeing things for more than they can be. We're "just" living, not LIVING. Maybe someone will misread this and think that we're not serving the Lord at all or that our family doesn't have fun. That's not it, but there's something more out there. We've been there before, and I want it back.
I've been reading some books that have been slapping me in the face. I've drifted so far from so much. What caused the drifting? Just the comfortableness of life. I'm tired of being comfortable. I want to go after God, our vision, our family...like never before.
I think that I've been so busy "well doing" that I've missed the Lord's voice in it all. I've been doing everything by my own might. Yes, I seek the Lord, but I don't know if He would have me doing half the things and ministries that I've been doing. I think that my busyness has snuffed out his voice and left me assuming too much.
I'm in prayer right now over MM. I don't know if I'll be a care group leader next year. I thought I would, but notice the "I" in that. God is going to have to show me my path. I'm praying, "Lord teach me how to hear YOUR voice. I want to know what it sounds like so that when you speak to me,I will know that it's you."
Of course, the enemy is so joyful about all of this since he has put a fuzzy on us...a confusion. Brett and I have lost sight of where we are going together. Not marital together, destination life together. I'm also praying for God to ignite a fire in us like never before. I'm so excited about the change and growth about to take place in our lives. I'm excited about rising to our occasion of life and spending all of the seconds well.
But really, Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium may not be as thought provoking for you, but it's such a heart warming, random, charming little movie. I'm glad we watched it as a family!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
After splitting the last brownie between the older two boys, Alex asks for another one.
Alex: May I have another one, Pleeeaase? (in his sweetest 2yr old voice) I gave mine away.
Brett: Who’d you give it to?
Alex: (with finger pointing to the recipient) My teeth.
Thats’ my boy, so sweet and giving!!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I feel like a twelve year old all over again. My heart starts to pit pat just a little faster, the girlish swoons are brewing...that's right NKOTB, er New Kids on the Block are reuniting, making new music and touring. Oh my, my inner twelve year old is elated. Well, at least I know I'll never marry Jordan Knight, Brett is my true love, but NKOTB will always be my first band that I loved. I'll keep them forever in my heart. AND I'm trying to figure out how to get to one of their concerts. They'll have some new music but still bless us with the old stuff, you know Hangin' Tough...The Right Stuff!!!!! As my side bar tells you, they were my first concert. One of my friends gave me and another friend tickets to see them in LR--floor seats, 8th row. We even stood outside the hotel where they were staying. And YES we got to see them. Of course, Jordan looked right at ME...don't you even begin to doubt it...it's true...Well, in my pretty little mind, it's true. He either looked right at me, or was staring at the blur of white and black polka dot shirts...That's right, my friend and I went shopping, seperately, for tops for the concert...I mean you can't see Jordan Knight in the same old rubbish, can you? When my friend and I showed up at our other friend's house, we were wearing the SAME thing!!!! Oh, well, at least we got his attention! I'm so excited about this, and it would be so fun to go with the same friends!!! By the way, we were chaperoned. My mom and one of the other girl's mom went with us...they were in the balcony and had just as great of a time as we did!!!! I love my mom, even more than I love NKOTB! This is all so exciting!!!
Sunday, April 6, 2008
My pastor is known for praying for "less of me, and more of You." I picked that prayer up for myself about a year ago. Well, there are the good weeks and then there are others. Last week falls under the other category. Activity filled, fever ridden, sleep deprived week that it was...Well, it's left me in a state of function evaluations: edit out the unnecessary and focus on the preciousness of family and the must do's of life.
Sometimes I feel like God backs me up in the oddest of ways. DJ Ice, aka Baby Isaac who likes to touch all things electronic and buttony, was doing his thing the other day. In the frenzy of button pushing he located a Christian program that was interviewing a lady author. Then the button frenzy began again. I caught enough of the program to know her book was titled Frazzled Female. And I caught her definition of "frazzled female." A stream of familiar words swam out of her mouth and rained down on me like a huge wave, like over committed...under slept. Those are the two I identify with the most right now at least. I don't know one woman in my circle who is not a frazzled female. Each in our own ways. Does being a modern day woman mean that we have to live in some state of frazzlement?! I sure hope not. We're getting back to the basics...again. Yes, we assess the situation every so often and adjust appropriately. I've felt that laid upon my heart lately. That's why this next week is a back to basics week for me and my family.
Anyway, in looking at the Frazzled Female site, I clicked on the "recent thoughts" and found this. Just as my pastor encourages us to pray, Blessed are you when you are at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule. (Matthew 5:3-The Message) So, take heart and know that you are blessed when you are stressed. Isn't that such a better way of looking at it instead of, "I'm so stressed out...the kids are driving me crazy...I'm sooooooooo tired...there's not enough time in the day...blah, blah, blah." On the days when I'm a little out of tune, I'm known to say "same song different verse" or worse "second verse, same as the first." (Melancholy me...down with her) Anyway, my new song is "Blessed to be Stressed." Because no matter what surprises come, it's not a surprise to Him. No matter how much sleep I get, I can always rest in Him!!! I am very excited in my Techno Baby's skills. He blessed his momma. DJ Ice, Ice, Baby...He's too cool. Ya, that's a word from his mother!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I guess the question I ask myself most is, who knew being a parent would be like this. The like this in this case is the big immunization question. Tristan, 5, has been mostly immunized. Alex has had two rounds, and Baby Isaac has only been immunized once. I understand both sides of the issue. I would actually prefer not to immunize at all. I told you, I'm a conservative with hippie tendencies...here's a hippie tendency. However, recently I felt a prompting to immunize for certain things. Isaac had a reaction last time which would explain the halt in vaccinations. It freaked me out. He ran a fever and developed a slight rash. Nothing big, yet big enough to scare me.
Despite the reaction, I took him Tuesday for a well check and possible vaccinations. We see the nurse practitioner at the local pediatric office, and I really like her. She's gotten to know us well over the past 5 months, what with the RSV, sinus infections, and flu. It was so exciting to go for a WELL visit. She and I discussed the immunization issue for 45 minutes. I sooooooo appreciated her time. We talked about both sides of the issue. She did not seem offended by some of my questions and views. She actually said, before I could request it, that I didn't have to vaccinate or we could do one at a time--to spread them out so he doesn't have to react to so many. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. She sooooo did not pressure me to immunize!! After the 45 minute discussion, I decided on two vaccinations. I felt good about it too.
Good until that night. He's been running a 104 temperature since then. Yes, he's still going. I give him Tylenol or the children's Motrin to give him a break. And let me add this, all of my kids run high fevers. They stump their toes and run fevers. Does that mean that they have a great immune system that really cranks it up to do battle? I don't know. I'm just frustrated.
In my effort to explore this well visit world, Alex had his check up yesterday. Oh. My. Goodness!!! Did not go well. He threw the BIGGEST I'm a Two Year Old fit ever. The nurse practitioner was like, how do you deal with him when he's like this. Um, I don't...because he NEVER acts like this. It was HUGE. Did I say it was big? Wendy, I think this one would have smoked past Trevor. And what set it off was the nurse coming in to give Isaac some medicine. Yes, I took Isaac so that they could see his reaction to the previous days events. Alex wanted some medicine too. They told me to watch Isaac and call on Friday if he's still running such high fevers. UGH!!! Anyway, Alex was not vaccinated because of his grandiose presence. I accept some of the responsibility. We had a field trip that morning, lunch with friends and then this. Anyway, we were there just long enough for her to tell me she was concerned about his weight. He's lost four pounds since January. Why do I have to go into worry mode? Why can't I just shrug it off and know that he's in a picky stage right now. The kids have been sick often this year. All that takes a toll on a little guy, right?
I ended up carrying two sleeping babies for waaayyy too long. I had been awake and functioning since 3 am that morning. Suddenly, the last of my energy was drained from me, and I felt like crying. I had one more errand to run and then we went home. My mom came over to watch the younger two, so that I could take Tristan to his first day of gymnastics!!!! Yea! But after an event filled day, I realized I just wanted some warm, fuzzy conversation. And this is the part where I say, I was so out of place. I was surrounded by the proverbial soccer moms. You know the ones with the latest in electronic gadgetry and their kids are in every activity possible. I was the only homeschool mom. They looked at me a little strange. Don't get me wrong, they were very nice and I can hold my own. I just smile and butt in here and there, a few giggles and we're good. But I longed for my usual suspects and their conversation. I have a group of ladies that just lift me up or give me a soft smile of appreciation and knowing. I really appreciate you guys.
After gymnastics was dinner and then AWANA. I tried convincing Tristan he didn't want to go. That was naughty, huh? Brett said I wasn't looking so hot. So, after retrieving the boy from church, I went straight to bed. Brett took care of the boys and put them into bed. I heard him say, No, Momma is tired and not feeling well. She needs rest. You guys were hard on her today. I just love him. And he protected me from the wild ones, the children.
I know, this is entirely too long, but I needed to get it out of my system. It was draining me. If you feel led to do so, could you pray for my little baby. Pray for his protection and healing. Thank you. I'm a little stressed. Here I find myself doing the opposite of my intention...trust God the first time and let go of worry. Sigh...
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
X: I don't like berry juice. I like apple juice.
Me: Sorry, we're out of apple juice. I have to go grocery shopping today. I'll pick some up when we go.
X: May I go with you?
Me: Well, what is your name?
Me: Definitely, Alex's are allowed to come with Mommy to the store.
X: I can't go. (in a forlorn voice)
Me: Why not? I just said you could go.
X: I am not loud. I am quiet. Not loud.