Monday, July 28, 2008

Sweet Serendipity

I just want to give a big ol' Woo-Hoo to the Lord. I went to a church in town yesterday that met my requirements and even ministered to me!! Praise God!!!!! I was actually going to go to another church but couldn't find what time it started, so out of NO WHERE thought of this other church and I'm praising God for the sweet serendipity of it all!! One more time, WOO-HOO!

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Just Too Much Right Now

I'm on really shaky ground right now. I realize I've been plastering a smile in the place of hurt. Last night, while talking about babies, someone thought I said we were expecting to which I quickly set the facts straight. The person made some comments about that being crazy if I did and that would be too much right now. And then she sat down and laughed hysterically at the idea of it all. So, I put my smile on and pretended that nothing inside me was screaming out in anguish. Because really I should be pregnant right now, and what would that person say to me? Too much right now? Oh, look and Brett and Adelia, they have such a big family, blahbityblah, blah, blah. They really need to learn what causes that. Just because it sounds ridiculous to you, and you couldn't handle several children, don't put that on me. At least now I know what she really thinks of us!

In the mean time, I've been crying. I finally cried to Brett. I've been putting on my brave front since he is Mr Sensible and I thrive on pure sense. I'm glad I did though because he reached out for me. And here's where I say, it doesn't matter if I have one, none or seven children, it hurts when you have a miscarriage. It's so common that it's just cast off as one of those things. Well, one of those things has me in tears. I'm so sad and it took an off humor person to bring the hurt truly to the surface.

I just want to crawl under a rock and hide. One bad day followed by another. Right now it's just too much.

I know that the Lord will see me through this time. My prayer is that I will respond instead of react. A constant prayer request.

And I'll put up a happy post soon. Dont' want to bring a gloomy cloud to everyone.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008


“Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.” -William Morris

I've got some work to do!!

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Creek Adventures Part 2

Tuesday found us at Grammy's creek again. No, not our Grammy, we don't have a Grammy. We borrow Dana's mom. Anyway after VBS and lunch we ventured over to the neighboring state and one of its creeks. Not quite as relaxing as the first time. Our creek side adventure began with Tristan being hit in the head with a rock by a new friend, er a new kid--T didn't make friends with him. T-Bird made his way to the truck and locked himself in declaring he didn't like the little boy. Of course, he eventually came out. T cannot resist water, even if it contains one unruly little boy. Then Blondie-Boo started screaming hysterically, so I snatched him out of the water. Little Boo informed me that a craw-dad pinched his foot. A craw-dad or that stick that was sticking out of his sandal, which was it? The damage was done, and the stick disguised as a craw-dad sent Blondie-Boo to the bank for the rest of our time at the creek. Crazy pinching sticks! Sweet baby was clingy and mildly annoying.

While catching tadpoles with Grammy, T-Bird made his way to the bank and began kicking over rocks (an outdoor NO-NO by the way) and uncovered a small copperhead. Way to go T! And away he ran. As we were gathering our party members into the vehicles, Grammy and I spotted an odd bird, no, not a bird, a BAT! Dana, Grammy, T and I all watched in amazement at this flighty little bat skimming the water. That's when he turned and headed straight into our circle of people. Me being level-headed as I always am began squealing as he headed to my dress. T spun about and began to run away, unfortunately for him the bat was going the same direction and they collided!!!!! T was overwhelmed with horror and disgust. So much so that he woke up twice last night telling me he saw bats everywhere. He kept telling me he saw the bat's face with its mouth wide open. Poor little guy! He eventually ended up in our bed. He never gets in bed with us, so he's really upset.

I've tried to convince him that bats are great. We've looked up all kinds of neat stuff; I've even thrown in the Batman stuff...But NO, he will not be moved. Bats are on the ick list.

As I was backing up to leave the creek, I saw the coolest thing in my mirror. The cutest, brightest yellow caterpillar was making his way in a hurry somewhere, perhaps to the Ugly Bug Ball? I love that song, gotta crawl, gotta crawl to the ugly bug ball, to the ball to the ball, and a happy time we'll have there, one and all at the ugly bug ball. Ah, Summer Magic! What little girl doesn't love Haley Mills movies?? We are keeping our caterpillar for another day before he makes his way to where he needs to go.

As crazy as the day seemed, it was still so enjoyable. We love the creek!

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Blueberry Days

We got to go Blueberry pickin' a couple of weeks ago.

Look at their diligence.

Quite serious, isn't he??

Look at those brothers, and one particularly barefoot brother. Just like his momma!!

Nane got to go with us!!

Momma and Baby!

Sweet Baby thought his job was to feed Momma all the bluberries.

Look at our blessing we found!

And there are Momma Bird's Blessings!

It was a beautiful day!

And, yes, I just noticed the pictures are a little off. I had to scan them in and just noticed. But, no, I will not be redoing this post. So, enjoy the wonky pictures. By this time, you should expect nothing less than wonky from me! :) See, look at that wonky smile!!

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Dating the Church

Our family has started the process of leaving our church. It's so difficult to leave when you are not dissatisfied. We are leaving because it's 40 minutes away and with gas as it is, we can only get over there once a week. We found our church years ago while living much farther north. We've stuck with the drive being here in SS, believing the Lord would fill our gas tank, and he has. But now we are not able to plug in and serve the people over there. People, that's another reason for leaving. We'd like to sow into our community and neighbors. Right now all our money goes to the Centerton, Bentonville, Rogers area--and I know, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, but I'd like to have a more personal involvement. And the kids get upset with only seeing those kids once a week and not being able to go to the extra activities.

Reason I don't want to leave: I GET FED EVERY TIME I GO TO CHURCH!! I get stretched and take away things that I can start working on, and I am always encouraged to serve someone else!

So, that being explained we have begun our church dating. Let's just say the first date didn't go so hot. I'm so dreading the next few dates. Let's think. What qualities am I looking for in our perfect date. Of course, Christ-centered, Bible believing, people loving has to be there. I'm looking for a church who shows a reverence and love for the Lord. What nixed Sunday's church off the list? Simple, spiritual deadness. The worship was made up of people shifting, whispering, and occasionally singing to the word of God. Which I like singing the word of God. That's okay with me. Something I can thank my home church for is teaching me how to worship God no matter where you are. I can definitely get my praise on. But there was no value in the words. I realize that most of the churches near us, we'll be toned down a bit. That's fine. But no praise, no exultation!

And then came the doom and gloom. I'm afraid I'll be running into a few of these. The grace of God and love of God came out in a downtrodden voice. I wasn't there to hear the Lord teach in the streets, but I'm pretty sure he spoke with victory, conviction and hope. And the Pastor came across as more of this is my job, not I live for the Lord.

Anyway, obviously I'm disappointed but not giving up hope! There is a church for us here I know, and we're praying for the Lord's guidance!!

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Flying Thoughts

Yesterday afternoon found me sitting in a Doctor's office surrounded my five new moms and a couple of soon to be mommas. I start entertaining the idea of conception and birth again, really convincing myself that this is the time to have another one. I was getting excited about being in a great Doctor's care. I mean if so many ladies are in these two Doctors' office, they must be great. See, my wonderful Doctor moved on from his clinic...sniff, sniff. He was so wonderful and gentle. We had a high risk pregnancy with Sweet Baby, and he really supported Brett and I through that and believed in wholeness with us. The man is just great. But I decided to go closer to home this time. And can I tell you, I was sooooooo disappointed!! The Doc was so abrupt and indifferent. Yes, he did help me sit up, but that was the extent of bed side manners. Surely this was not the Doc I had heard such great things about!!

Almost as quickly as my motherly idea flew into my thoughts, it was gone after my appointment. No, the Doctor wasn't terrible, just busy and once again indifferent. And it was as if he didn't even try to put on a concerned face for our miscarriage. It was one of those Yep it happens kind of things. My old Doc would have talked to me for a while and really tried to get a feel for how I was holding up. When we had the surprise baby(I didn't take the news to well), my Doctor talked to me and he actually said, "I'm not even going to say it's going to be okay. You may be feeling something I can't understand." He just listened and validated me. Will I find another Doctor that takes time to listen to his patients? Well, I will say, at this point I'm driving to Fayetteville if we decide to have another baby anytime soon. Which we talked about it, and the earliest we would try would be next summer. So, no hoorhah's yet.

Speaking of babies. My mom set me down last night to give me a talkin' too. It was pretty much a Take Care of Yourself or I'll spank you kind of talk. She's taken the news of the miscarriage hard. Bless her heart--I think that she is mourning for me as well. I love my Momma. Anyway, she really laid it on the line for me. She's so great. All I could do was say, Yes Ma'am!

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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My Heart's Ache

You should know, talkative as I am, I don't share everything with everyone. My friend from college thought I told her everything; years later, I let her in on a couple of secrets to which she exclaimed, "You do keep secrets, don't you!?" Yes, I do. But I also like to air some stuff out. Those privy to such encounters are probably snickering right now...Some days it's too much information!! Heh. I'm going to share with you my hearts cry right now. Most of you know that I have not felt well for weeks now, actually over a month of feeling out of it. Exhaustion, dizzy spells, moodiness, and the big kicker was the late night nausea. What does that sound like to you guys. Pregnancy, right? But once again the odds of me being pregnant were slim to non-existent. How could I be pregnant? I just had one heck of a weird, horrible period. That means I'm not pregnant right?

After thinking on it a little, I took a test. Oh my look at that faint positive line. I must have tested early. I'll test again in a few days....A few days later, negative...We've miscarried. And what I mistook as my period (and deep down, I knew this wasn't a regular period) was a miscarriage. There was just enough hormone left over for us to find out we did have a baby, but that baby and its sweet spirit are now dwelling with the Lord. How can my heart ache for something that was so unplanned and seemed a little crazy? I don't know, but it does. Yes, I'm okay and getting better.

It's just so strange to think about. Brett took the news well of having another baby. He said, "What's in life better than our children?" My husband, for once, said the most perfect thing ever!!! That smoothed over the Oh my goodness factor. It all seemed to be coming together. I've had such a calm, contented spirit lately. I took a position with Mothering Matters that demanded less time. The now baby would be almost 30months when our new bundle arrived. And the new bundle would be arriving after tax time. It was going to be okay. Just as soon as we rationalized the okayness of the news, it was gone. And I can't get it back. I'm a fixer by nature, and I can't fix this. No tools in the Ms Fix-It-Belt can help this brokenness. Once again, I'm OKAY, just aching...

I slept for the good part of two days after we found out. My dear friend Dana and her mother invited us for a day at the creek with them. That was exactly what I needed. I didn't have to chase or tend to my kids. They just played in the shallowness of the cool water for hours. They made an island by moving rocks, had an "in" the creek tea party (not to be confused with creek side tea party), found rocks with fossils, caught crawdads, fish, and snails. Alex licked slimy rocks. How does that seem like a good idea?? Dana and I had chairs set in the water just up to our bums. Grammy, Dana's mom, felt free to douse others with buckets full of water upon occasion. It was perfect. The outdoors and seeing the blessings (my children and friendship) before me was just what I needed. When I arrived home, my other dear friend Wendy, had left her mark at my door. There was a bag with a googly-eyed card poking out. She had left me a relaxation gift. I'm so blessed by so many in my world. Thanks ladies for loving on me.

So, here I am. Getting better and loving my blessings. Just a little ache in my heart, but thankful that I at least know we have a little spirit in Heaven.

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

To Charlie

I got caught...Yes, I got caught being a little "off" in my parenting skills. Yesterday, I had to make a stop by the good ol' WM. I had to refill our 1gallon and 3gallon water bottles during my trip. I usually let the boys help with this, but decided for time sake to do it myself. This caused a meltdown for my 2nd child. As I am trying to deal with him, he gets more upset. So I say, Do you see those double doors there. That's the spankin' room. If you continue to throw a fit, Momma will need to take you in there and spank your bottom. And then comes the voice, Hello, Adelia! Are you kidding me? Charlie!!! Charlie is such a wonderful person and she caught me in the thick of it with my children or should I say child! As I say hi and try to keep number 2 from being ridiculous, both of my bottles start overflowing and then I spill on the floor. Are you kidding me?! Charlie just smiled, not at all disheartened by our show. Thank the Lord! So, here's my shout out to Charlie. Thanks for being so great and not making me feel anymore "off" than I already was! To Charlie!!

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Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy Freedom Day

Enjoy our Independence Day, that's what I'm doing. And thinking of the reasons America was and is wonderful...and praying for our Nation! Happy 4th of July...Make it a good one!

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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

My View

This is why every lady needs a clothes line...Don't you just feel the summer breeze...oh, sweet peace. As I was hanging clothes, I couldn't help but notice the perfectness of my view...just wonderful. Here, share my view:

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A Little Bit of Peace

Life is so good right now. No, things are not perfect, but things are just good. It's been a slow week so far. That's been the goal. Wake up, breakfast, then outdoors for the rest of the morning. Then the kids get lunch, bath (yes, they smell great and really require a de-funking), naps and then to the pool. I've such enjoyment in sitting under the shade trees and reading while the boys work the yard over with various sorts of play. My current read is Mansfield Park. Can you believe that I've never read it before?! I went to the bookstore a couple of weeks ago and went straight for the classics. I wanted that bit of warm, familiar. Eventhough this particular book is not at all familiar since I've never read it, but my dear Jane is. Truly a joy to be reading. I also feel like I'm stretching my intelligence, since the wording takes a moment for me to compute. Lovely. Anyway, I just wanted to share some peace with you.

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