I'm on really shaky ground right now. I realize I've been plastering a smile in the place of hurt. Last night, while talking about babies, someone thought I said we were expecting to which I quickly set the facts straight. The person made some comments about that being crazy if I did and that would be too much right now. And then she sat down and laughed hysterically at the idea of it all. So, I put my smile on and pretended that nothing inside me was screaming out in anguish. Because really I should be pregnant right now, and what would that person say to me? Too much right now? Oh, look and Brett and Adelia, they have such a big family, blahbityblah, blah, blah. They really need to learn what causes that. Just because it sounds ridiculous to you, and you couldn't handle several children, don't put that on me. At least now I know what she really thinks of us!
In the mean time, I've been crying. I finally cried to Brett. I've been putting on my brave front since he is Mr Sensible and I thrive on pure sense. I'm glad I did though because he reached out for me. And here's where I say, it doesn't matter if I have one, none or seven children, it hurts when you have a miscarriage. It's so common that it's just cast off as one of those things. Well, one of those things has me in tears. I'm so sad and it took an off humor person to bring the hurt truly to the surface.
I just want to crawl under a rock and hide. One bad day followed by another. Right now it's just too much.
I know that the Lord will see me through this time. My prayer is that I will respond instead of react. A constant prayer request.
And I'll put up a happy post soon. Dont' want to bring a gloomy cloud to everyone.