Monday, November 29, 2010

Writing Motherhood: Entry 2 {follies of a young mother}

I thrive in dreary weather. Damp, overcast, slightly cool....mmmmmm...I usually find myself refreshed and full of energy. However, this perfectly damp, overcast, slightly cool morning I found myself weepy!?????! I couldn't believe it. I'm writing that off to being 38 weeks pregnant.

In an effort to pull myself out of the 38 weeks pregnant dreary day dumps, I've decided to share some of my greatest moments of mothering. {Please read that as, holy cow if she can do it I can do it} That's right, because these are the moments of hilarity that I look back on now and just laugh...And I also use these stories to encourage new mothers who are having rough days and condemning themselves. Seriously, if you'll use my life as a gauge, you'll think you are the most amazing mother ever. I set the bar pretty low.

{Writing Motherhood entries are not edited. They come from my WM journal and phase in and out of tenses, disregard grammar and spelling altogether. The point of WM journaling is to get out the thoughts and memories quickly. Enjoy the journey into my mind, just don't get lost in there....}

Great Mothering Moment #1:
How can one child be so difficult. Seriously??? My goal right now is to just keep this little thing alive. Hrumph. He's so exhausting. How does he get out of the car seat, the stroller, the cart....He's so tiny...He's so frustrating...He's so amazing. This Little Hoot is going to do me in.

I have to go to Wal-Mart. I so dislike Wal-Mart...for a million and one reasons, but today's reason is just because I don't want to go with the boys...where Hoot will inevitably escape and I'll have to search for his little white head and discover him perched with the dairy. You know what, I'm going to do it! I'm going to buy one of those kid leash things! Yes, I have made fun of parents who leash their children. Yes, this means I admit defeat, but I have to make sure this kid makes it to adulthood and that I stay a redhead for at least a decade longer.

Okay, there. He's hooked up and leashed, let's go kid. Hmm, he's pulling back and resisting. No. NO. He WILL walk with me. This kid will not do me in. Okay, just keep walking forward, he'll give in eventually. Okay, now we're doing it. We're walking down the main aisle. Oh ya. I'm the Momma! Keep up the positive self-talk! I rock! Consistency, baby, consistency!

Why are people staring at my kid? I see kids on leashes all the time. This should not be quite so amusing. I guess I'll turn around to see what is so funny.

OH MY GOODNESS! My two year old Hoot is face down, spread eagle on the germ laden Wal-Mart floor. I've been dragging my child from the tire center to the front aisle FACE DOWN and sprawled out. He doesn't even care?!?!?!?!? I'm defeated AGAIN.

And now I hope no one reports this.......

Great Mothering Moment #2:
Why does God trust me so much? I have two babies. Okay, they are seventeen months apart, but they are a handful. Did He really think I could handle this? Don't answer that. Ugh, I have to go to the Small Town Post Office. Why?? And the Small Town Post Office is always booming with people. Because we live in Small Town and seek to have communication with the outside world--so we go to the Post Office to seek such communications.

How will I avoid public embarrassment? Okay, I'll put the Professor in the stroller and I'll wear the baby. Right, Hoot will go in the pouch. No big deal and of course, T-Bird will stand with me. Okay, I can do this.

Well, that went relatively well. Post Office is still standing! Yesssss!

Now let's load these kiddos into the van and we'll be on our way. I rock! I'm so great! My kids are pretty fantastic too. Okay, Baby in. Check. Professor in. Check. T is in. Check. Let's blow this joint.

What is that noise? I'm backing up...there should be no grinding noice.

Holy cow! The stroller!!!! I forgot to load the stroller! I just ran over my stroller!!!!!

Okay, play it cool. Get out, retrieve your stroller and leave.

Oh, nice. Hi, nice to see I have an audience. I count seven confused faces. Hi. Hi. "Ooops. At least the baby wasn't in there." Yes, I just said that as I waved at my audience and threw my stroller in the van. Nice, Della, real nice. That's gonna go down as an infamous quote. Yep, you rock...

Great Mothering Moment #3 (all modesty is gone):
Almost finished with errands. We've accomplished a lot today. Errands, New Beginnings, Fayetteville run, now to finish up with a quick Wal-Mart run. In and out. In and out quick as a cricket. The boys have done really well today. Hoot will need a snack. I have some cheerio's that I can feed him in the store. All will be well.

This was supposed to be a quick run. Why am I moving so slowly? I'm so tired...........this is taking forever........I hear my name, where? "Oh, hey, Ellen!" Great, she sees me obviously exhausted and at my end. "No, I don't need any help. We're finishing up and Hoot is snacking on cereal. Thanks, good to see you too!!" {Why didn't I ask her for help?! I need some help. Our cart is overloaded and I'm truly shutting down. Dang, superwoman attitude!}

"Hi, how are you?" Why is everyone being so smiley to me today? Maybe they see how tired I am and are having sympathetic thoughts. Oh well, at least they are being nice.

Checked out, now to the truck. I wish Brett were here to unload this monolith of groceries and dog food...Wait, that's Brett!! I see his truck. Run, Della, run. Use up your energy waiving your husband down, he will save you. He's dropping off that new guy he is training to his truck. He's going to see you running and waiving like crazy. He's going to see you...He''s gone.

UGH. Let's load this mess of kids and goods.

Oh, great! Way to park right up against my truck, dude!

Two kids in. Other kid goes on the other side. Ugh, I bumped that car with my door. Ugh, ugh. There is an old Sudoku playing lady in the car. I mouth the words sorry and she nods. Whew. Now to finish loading the groceries. What is that man looking at my chest for? Just walk to your car, dude. Dude, what are you looking at my chest for?! NOOOOO, there is a cheerio ever so perfectly placed on my chest. That's right, I have a toasted oh nipple and have had for who knows how long. All of those Wal-Mart people smiles suddenly make sense.

Just get in the truck and call it a day, Della, call it a day.

Geez, I just bumped the Sudoku playing lady's car again. This time I'll emphasize my apology with big apologetic arm movements and slow motion talking. "I'm ssssoooooooo sssooorrrrryyyy!" Huh, she's nice, another sweet nod and a wave of the hand. She saw my cheerio nipple and felt sorry for me. I bet she tells her husband to park a little better next time.

And once again. I rock.

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Thursday, November 25, 2010

Being Conscious of My Treasures

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

I hope I never loose my optimism. I hope I never cease to see the joy in the little, sometimes ridiculous things. My life is immeasurably blessed, and I praise the Lord and am ever so thankful for days of mercy and blessing.

I am thankful for the color blue--such a happy color.

I am thankful for a warm home when the weather does a 24 hour switch from 70 degrees to 30 degrees. {You rock, Arkansas weather!}

I am thankful for a husband who is absolutely amazing. {amazing, not perfect} He is a man who does not give in--he has a set of standards that he lives by and does not waver. Yet, in his relationship with others, he is so forgiving and kind. These characteristics make me love him even more.

I am thankful for T-Bird's kindness. I love that he has giggles in his innermost being. I love his want to learn new things, especially in the world of science and nature.

I am thankful for Professor X's tender heart. I enjoy his ever expanse vocabulary and his want to learn the definition of every word. "Mom, what exactly does appetite mean?" That was today's word of wonder.

I am thankful for Hoot's need to be almost animal like. He pounces everywhere. Always has and likely always will. I love his blond curls on his round head. I love how he says "I wudge you" in a sleepy voice. {That's "I love you" for those who don't speak Hootish}

I am thankful for my mom who lives just a stone's throw away. I am thankful that she has been my dear friend my entire life.

I am thankful for the sweet serendipities that are nothing other than the Lord working out the kinks in my path. I am thankful for the blessings and mercies He is working out as I sit here typing.

I am thankful for the joy in my belly. Oh, wait that's a baby--okay and joy. She is so close to being here. I have become tearful at the thought of meeting her over the past two days. I mean, I will KNOW her in just days!!! I'm so excited it makes my heart fill up and spill over. That would be the misty-eyes. {Am I silly?}

I am thankful for the people who let me tell the same baby stories over and over. I am thankful for the people who ask how I am and let me gush about my baby and don't seem annoyed with my talking incessantly about my little gal.

I am thankful for the bestest {yes bestest--so stellar that I had to break some grammar laws} prenatal care I have ever received.

I am thankful for my lovely, kind, and unwavering friends.

I am so blessed.

{Oh, and if that pic at the top looks familiar, that's because it's from last year's Thanksgiving. I didn't get all gussied up this year. I decided to just hang out and gestate.}

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Monday, November 15, 2010

Prego Pics by T and Sasquatch Sightings

Have I mentioned lately that I'm not getting around too swiftly these days? Yes, I'm waddling. I can't even pull it together to walk all cute and peppy in public. No, it's a waddle. My apologies to those who are having to witness the waddle.

I dropped my keys last night as I was leaving AWANA. I had just dropped off the boys and unlocked my door when those slippery little suckers fell to the ground. I stared at them for quite a while.

Should I bend over and pick them up? I really don't want to pick them up. I can do it. But I don't want to. Maybe I should go find someone to pick them up for me. Which would take more energy? Oh, geez, I guess I'll do it myself.

It was a close decision. And because I bent over to pick them up, that took up my reserve energy to stop by Braum's and get milk, eggs and cheese. Breakfast was interesting this morning...

I've been feeling a bit guilty because the boys and I have not been off on our amazing adventures. No, this Momma is quite the homebody these days.

Last week I really tried to make up for it. We went on a few small adventures and had a good time. {read: then I came home and took a two hour nap}

T-Bird is quite enamoured with skate boarding. I had said I would take him to the skate park while the riff-raff was in school. I just hate for my kids to be around smoke and cursing. Well, my Nanny called and took up quite a bit of time, so we went to another skate equipment-less park. But they did have smooth trails.

Hoot came along with us, but he was entirely upset that we were not at THE skate park and opted to carry his board. He's a nut.

T took random pics of me. Some are quite funny and I am NOT posting them. But here are some.

Me being sleepy on the bench.

This picture reminds me of the sasquatch sighting picture...
You know, this one:
Love this, me ordering one of the two around. They make me nervous sometimes.

Oh, wait! Another sasquatch sighting walk...Guess Hoot gets it honest.

You can tell I'm a little confused here as T tells me what to do. {He's so cool}

There he is!
Whoa, Brother, hang on to it!

I like this photo and point of view because it seems to scream, SHE'S HUGE! And that's okay with me.

Now this is ME! Goofy and showing out!
Well, that's as good as it gets. Actually, we had family pics taken yesterday!!! I'm super excited about them. I feel like shouting, Sasha rocks! But that's a post to come perhaps.
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Friday, November 12, 2010

{this moment}

Inspired by SouleMama: A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

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The Thankful Season Days 3-12 (alt title You Thought I Forgot)

But I didn't. However, our world did get shaken around. I think a good analogy would be to think of it as my world being in a snow globe and some very excited child came along and gave it a good whirl. Sounds like fun, but if you are the one in the globe being shaken...well, not so much.

In the great whirly whirl, I found myself feeling very broken and almost hopeless. (I should clarify that my immediate family is fine and has nothing to do with the whirly whirl) In that brokenness, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't shut off the emotional pulls. How do you disconnect? Ugh. Well, I am no longer crying and no longer look like a pregnant zombie walking around the house. I did loose eight pounds during the most trying 3 days of this little adventure, the unintended consequences of sadness and stress. Not good, but I'm enjoying eating to my fullest to recover that precious weight for the baby's nourishment.

It takes a whole heap of desperation for me to reach out for help. I DO NOT like asking for help. After placing four phone calls and the last being the call that pulled it all together. It was as though someone had pushed the reset button and I began feeling hope-FULL.

I cannot tell you just how much God has prepared me for these days. Well, obviously I didn't respond like that initially. But I'm just thinking of how much the Esther study that I'm doing correlates with my life at this time. For one thing, God is not mentioned in the book of Esther. Huh?? Did you miss that before too? However, as Beth Moore points out, His name may not be in it, but He's all over it. As with this situation that breaks my heart, He may not seem to be in it, but He's all over it. And that is where I place my trust, hope and faith. Without that, I'm back to the pregnant zombie.

Sooooo, now that you know that I didn't forget to be thankful, just didn't feel like blogging it, I will now catch us up on our thankful list. Which is much happier than the above. :)

Adelia: I'm thankful for a friendship that came and took two of my kids after having sobbed profusely for 8 hours the previous day so that I could have a day of recovery and rest.

I'm thankful for jasmine tea with rose hips. I'm thankful for Sunday afternoons with my family. This shirt is way to billowy--I'm not that poofy!

I'm thankful for the mailbox full of notes and love that I received over the last few days. These people didn't even know that I was weepy or that they served my heart in such a beautiful way.

I'm thankful to be a stay at home Momma to three wonderful boys.

I'm thankful for my gift of compassion and empathy. (Just learning how to not let it overwhelm me)

I'm thankful for a husband who keeps me balanced.

I'm thankful for the sound of leaves being rustled by the wind as I sit here with my back door open.

I'm thankful for pink fuzzy slippers.

I'm thankful for a God who never leaves me.

I'm thankful for my animal tracks book.
I'm thankful for Legos.
I'm thankful for Awana.
I'm thankful for Jesus.
I'm thankful for our dogs.
I'm thankful for my friendships.
I'm thankful for my skateboard.
I'm thankful for amazing animals. (he's my little scientist)
I'm thankful for our home.
I'm thankful for my Bible.

Professor X:
I'm thankful for playing with my friends.
I'm thankful for spending the night with Nane.
I'm thankful for watching fun movies.
I'm thankful for my brothers who I play with.
I'm thankful for my knights and castle.
I'm thankful for Awana.
I'm thankful for playing Sequence with my family.
I'm thankful for video games.
I'm thankful for my back yard.
I'm thankful for cuddling Momma.

Little Hoot:
I'm thankful for going to my friends.
I'm thankful for chocolate.
I'm thankful for scissors. (yikes!)
I'm thankful for cowboy boots.
I'm thankful for my dogs.
I'm thankful for Daddy.
I'm thankful for Go, Dog, go!
I'm thankful for playing outside.
I'm thankful for horses.
I'm thankful for going down the slide.

And today's quote from my favorite comic of all time: Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help. --Calvin and Hobbes

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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Thankful Season, Day 2

Well, this is the third day of having three hours or less of sleep. Hmmm, emotions are stirring. Yes, when I don't sleep I eventually get a little weepy. Weepy and a bit irrational. I bet I could pull off a few more nights before we hit that stage.

However, I just don't have time to have the emotional breakdown that I'm entitled to. (haha)

No, I have a bedroom that is only half primed and painted. My mother is painting for me in her spare time. Having a room undone makes my eyes twitch and my skin itch. It's not a pretty sight. Me twitching and itching that is--well, the room isn't much to look at either.

While I tried to steal a nap today, the little two--who have dubbed themselves Thing 1 and Thing 2 did this to the hall way outside the playroom. I'm unsure what was going on. Okay, never mind, I'm not going to go take a picture. Time consuming. Just know that someone threw a party in the hall. I wasn't invited.

I need to get to the post office to send off about 20 thank you notes, 5 hey how are you notes, 12 look at how cute my kids are pictures, and one large package. Small Town Post Office, how you evade me! Three rambunctious kids, how you make Small Town Post Office such a challenge!

I have what seems to be a monolith of laundry in the middle of my floor right now. I despise laundry. The puke fest that transpired recently only added to the already massive pile.

{Side note: I didn't expect the number of times I would be puked on, peed on or pooped on as a mother. Brett has yet to be puked on! Last time I had the pleasure of such dynamics, I looked at Brett and said, ONE DAY---IT'S GOING TO BE YOU!!! I was in my first trimester with this baby. I can't be blamed for such strong words.}

I need to vacuum my entire house and shampoo the carpets. Having the windows open is wonderful...BUT, the lovely allergens that fly in must be executed!

I have to buy another refrigerator. Our refrigerator has been dying and springing to life for some time now. It finally lost all hope and went on to fridge heaven this weekend. We've been living out of a cooler and a deep freeze. Thank you Grandma Nell for that freezer a few years ago!!! But finding a refrigerator takes time and effort. Something I'm running low on these days. The cooler seems to be the solution for now.

Dishes and mopping are waiting for me. I've been keeping up with at least shining my sink, but the previously mentioned puke fest has delayed a lot of my greatness. I'm a bathroom disinfecting queen! That's pretty great, right?!

My to do list could continue indefinitely, but that's overwhelming to me so I'll stop.

So, here I am using my time wisely and blogging. We'll lump that into stress management. A useful tool to head off the emotional breakdown I'm entitled to but not going to have.

And without further unrelated ado, here is today's thankful list:

Adelia: My baby has been in breech position. Not only breech, but she has been doing this awesome stick her head up in Momma's sternum so she can move Momma's ribs out and Momma can throw up for hours while sweating and crying in pain trick. Oh, it has been really, really awesome. So, I had been working on trying to flip her for some time now. Knee chest position, laying on an inclined ironing board, angry cat stretches, frozen peas on top of my fundus {that's not dirty word, that the top of my uterus}, rubbing in a circular motion over my belly to encourage her to move down...And then last Tuesday came--I felt a tightening and swirling without big visual nudges on the outside of my belly. After the movement ended, I ran in to tell Brett that I was nearly positive the baby moved and encouraged him to feel how mushy my fundus was. {Once again, not a dirty word} Yesterday's midwife appointment confirmed my suspicions. My baby is all set to go. Just a few more weeks and a few more pounds on her part. I am thankful for a non-breech baby! I am thankful for those who knew of the situation and prayed for me, my back, and the baby!!

T-Bird: I'm thankful for Star Wars. Star Wars Legos, books, my own artwork and drawings of characters... {Lego really turned him on to Star Wars.}

Professor X: I'm thankful for sometimes spending the night with Grandma. {Brett's mom}

Little Hoot: Um, spending the night with Nane. {My mom}

And today's quote: We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are. Calvin and Hobbes

So, I'll spend the rest of the day taking care of my household business and enjoying where I am--even if it's here with a long to do list, twitchy eyes and a sleep deprived brain. It's my life. :)

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Monday, November 1, 2010

The Thankful Season, Day 1

It's here! November is finally here! I can remember being five weeks pregnant and thinking, December is so far away. I always have the longest pregnancies...And here we are on the cusp of December. Ironically, this pregnancy has seemed to zoom by--not sure if I'm completely thankful for that. It is my last pregnancy after all.

How I adore the magic of Autumn. Are there people in the world who despise fall? I'm sure there has to be, much like I loathe 100+ degree, humidity drenched Arkansas summers. Seriously, the pool isn't quite so great when it's warm. I always feel like I'm swimming in germs--Now a creek, it's always cold and those germs seem much cleaner. But back to the wonderfulness of fall.

I'm more than disappointed that I'm not able to go on amazing outdoor adventures with my family as we do every fall. This pregnant momma tires a little too easily these days. Something about being a mom to 3, functioning for a family of 5, being exotic and mysterious for my husband, and incubating one lovely baby for at least another 6 weeks. I'm just kind of done.

{I'm pretty sure Brett has never thought of me as exotic nor mysterious. Maybe that's why it's so exhausting to try.}

This season my greatness is small. But you know me and know that I thrive on small wonders. Yes, little things make me squeal with delight. The beauty of an acorn will always make my heart race. Acorns--magical little things.

The boys and I are celebrating the season of being thankful and recognizing our blessings.

Today is November 1st and with it comes the first list:

Adelia: I am thankful for childish urges. Even when I'm exhausted, I cannot resist the urge to tromp through the freshly fallen tapestry of leaves that covers our back yard. Oh, heck. Might as well pile 'em up and give it a good go. Brownies for breakfast, cleaning my house in fairy wings (yes, I do--have since I lived alone in college--you should try it--when I remember to don the wings, cleaning is more enjoyable), dancing with joy--even in public, laughing too loud, never hiding my excitement. Yes, I have childish urges. Thankful for those ridiculous urges.

T-Bird: He's in a serious mood today. With that he's given a serious answer: I'm thankful for my family.

Professor X: I'm thankful for making brownies with Momma. {the way to that kid's heart is through a little refined thing called sugar, perhaps you've heard of it}

Little Hoot: I'm thankful for Ninja costumes. {Side note: Hoot used to pronounce ninja as jeenya and would walk around saying, I'm a jeenya, nice to meetcha. So adorable.}

I would also like to share a beautiful quote with you:

Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility.~Kate Douglas Wiggin

Doesn't that make you feel just wonderful inside??

We're off to enjoy the possibilities of today.

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