Monday, November 29, 2010

Writing Motherhood: Entry 2 {follies of a young mother}

I thrive in dreary weather. Damp, overcast, slightly cool....mmmmmm...I usually find myself refreshed and full of energy. However, this perfectly damp, overcast, slightly cool morning I found myself weepy!?????! I couldn't believe it. I'm writing that off to being 38 weeks pregnant.

In an effort to pull myself out of the 38 weeks pregnant dreary day dumps, I've decided to share some of my greatest moments of mothering. {Please read that as, holy cow if she can do it I can do it} That's right, because these are the moments of hilarity that I look back on now and just laugh...And I also use these stories to encourage new mothers who are having rough days and condemning themselves. Seriously, if you'll use my life as a gauge, you'll think you are the most amazing mother ever. I set the bar pretty low.

{Writing Motherhood entries are not edited. They come from my WM journal and phase in and out of tenses, disregard grammar and spelling altogether. The point of WM journaling is to get out the thoughts and memories quickly. Enjoy the journey into my mind, just don't get lost in there....}

Great Mothering Moment #1:
How can one child be so difficult. Seriously??? My goal right now is to just keep this little thing alive. Hrumph. He's so exhausting. How does he get out of the car seat, the stroller, the cart....He's so tiny...He's so frustrating...He's so amazing. This Little Hoot is going to do me in.

I have to go to Wal-Mart. I so dislike Wal-Mart...for a million and one reasons, but today's reason is just because I don't want to go with the boys...where Hoot will inevitably escape and I'll have to search for his little white head and discover him perched with the dairy. You know what, I'm going to do it! I'm going to buy one of those kid leash things! Yes, I have made fun of parents who leash their children. Yes, this means I admit defeat, but I have to make sure this kid makes it to adulthood and that I stay a redhead for at least a decade longer.

Okay, there. He's hooked up and leashed, let's go kid. Hmm, he's pulling back and resisting. No. NO. He WILL walk with me. This kid will not do me in. Okay, just keep walking forward, he'll give in eventually. Okay, now we're doing it. We're walking down the main aisle. Oh ya. I'm the Momma! Keep up the positive self-talk! I rock! Consistency, baby, consistency!

Why are people staring at my kid? I see kids on leashes all the time. This should not be quite so amusing. I guess I'll turn around to see what is so funny.

OH MY GOODNESS! My two year old Hoot is face down, spread eagle on the germ laden Wal-Mart floor. I've been dragging my child from the tire center to the front aisle FACE DOWN and sprawled out. He doesn't even care?!?!?!?!? I'm defeated AGAIN.

And now I hope no one reports this.......

Great Mothering Moment #2:
Why does God trust me so much? I have two babies. Okay, they are seventeen months apart, but they are a handful. Did He really think I could handle this? Don't answer that. Ugh, I have to go to the Small Town Post Office. Why?? And the Small Town Post Office is always booming with people. Because we live in Small Town and seek to have communication with the outside world--so we go to the Post Office to seek such communications.

How will I avoid public embarrassment? Okay, I'll put the Professor in the stroller and I'll wear the baby. Right, Hoot will go in the pouch. No big deal and of course, T-Bird will stand with me. Okay, I can do this.

Well, that went relatively well. Post Office is still standing! Yesssss!

Now let's load these kiddos into the van and we'll be on our way. I rock! I'm so great! My kids are pretty fantastic too. Okay, Baby in. Check. Professor in. Check. T is in. Check. Let's blow this joint.

What is that noise? I'm backing up...there should be no grinding noice.

Holy cow! The stroller!!!! I forgot to load the stroller! I just ran over my stroller!!!!!

Okay, play it cool. Get out, retrieve your stroller and leave.

Oh, nice. Hi, nice to see I have an audience. I count seven confused faces. Hi. Hi. "Ooops. At least the baby wasn't in there." Yes, I just said that as I waved at my audience and threw my stroller in the van. Nice, Della, real nice. That's gonna go down as an infamous quote. Yep, you rock...

Great Mothering Moment #3 (all modesty is gone):
Almost finished with errands. We've accomplished a lot today. Errands, New Beginnings, Fayetteville run, now to finish up with a quick Wal-Mart run. In and out. In and out quick as a cricket. The boys have done really well today. Hoot will need a snack. I have some cheerio's that I can feed him in the store. All will be well.

This was supposed to be a quick run. Why am I moving so slowly? I'm so tired...........this is taking forever........I hear my name, where? "Oh, hey, Ellen!" Great, she sees me obviously exhausted and at my end. "No, I don't need any help. We're finishing up and Hoot is snacking on cereal. Thanks, good to see you too!!" {Why didn't I ask her for help?! I need some help. Our cart is overloaded and I'm truly shutting down. Dang, superwoman attitude!}

"Hi, how are you?" Why is everyone being so smiley to me today? Maybe they see how tired I am and are having sympathetic thoughts. Oh well, at least they are being nice.

Checked out, now to the truck. I wish Brett were here to unload this monolith of groceries and dog food...Wait, that's Brett!! I see his truck. Run, Della, run. Use up your energy waiving your husband down, he will save you. He's dropping off that new guy he is training to his truck. He's going to see you running and waiving like crazy. He's going to see you...He''s gone.

UGH. Let's load this mess of kids and goods.

Oh, great! Way to park right up against my truck, dude!

Two kids in. Other kid goes on the other side. Ugh, I bumped that car with my door. Ugh, ugh. There is an old Sudoku playing lady in the car. I mouth the words sorry and she nods. Whew. Now to finish loading the groceries. What is that man looking at my chest for? Just walk to your car, dude. Dude, what are you looking at my chest for?! NOOOOO, there is a cheerio ever so perfectly placed on my chest. That's right, I have a toasted oh nipple and have had for who knows how long. All of those Wal-Mart people smiles suddenly make sense.

Just get in the truck and call it a day, Della, call it a day.

Geez, I just bumped the Sudoku playing lady's car again. This time I'll emphasize my apology with big apologetic arm movements and slow motion talking. "I'm ssssoooooooo sssooorrrrryyyy!" Huh, she's nice, another sweet nod and a wave of the hand. She saw my cheerio nipple and felt sorry for me. I bet she tells her husband to park a little better next time.

And once again. I rock.

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1 comment:

Rebecca said...

Good times, good times...:)