There Once Was a Monday, Then Came Tuesday

"They are good children, but they are still children."

Yes, those were my words.

You know, Mondays tend to be good to me.  Mondays are a day where we take it easy, get back on track from the weekend.  We often do not do school on Mondays since Dad exercises his brain muscles with the boys on the weekend.  Mondays are reading days, art days, outside days.  Mondays are nice.

But Tuesdays...Tuesdays are a different story.

The Tuesday:
I had to make another trip to the health department for more tests to clear me for home birth.  My sweet sister in law watched the kiddos for me the previous week.  This Tuesday in the spotlight, she had something come up kind of last minute.  My other sister in law was unavailable too.  Which left my mother in law as a possible sitter but taking them and dropping them off and picking them up added another 40 minutes to an hour each way to my already long day.  Couldn't do that.  Then there was Granny but by the time I realized this option, it was too late.

So, to the health department I went with 3 boys and a baby girl.  A 2 hour glucose test and a pap smear awaited me.  I have had to take my kids with me before.   My kids are good.  They may act up upon occasion but there is usually not much drama.  I was confident in our day ahead.  We started the glucose test.  Then we were off to get up close in personal in that awesome female way.  I said, "Let me just peek on my kids.  They are good children, but they are children."

And there they sat, all nice and sweet.  Each coloring and behaving beautifully.  I gave them an "I'll be out in 10 minutes" heads up and praised them for their behavior.

So I get naked and don my paper gown.  That's when I heard the roar of a child.  And it kept roaring and intensifying.  I knew that frustrated sound, and I knew it was not going to give up any time soon.  Then I heard, Boys!  Boys!  Boys!

Two of my children were in an all out war.  One was trying to make the other share and behave, the other was trying to make his point known.  They hit each other.  No, like HIT each other.  My naked bottom jumps up to look out the door and I'm informed of the situation, but the woman said it three times.  Like I'm stupid and don't get it.  Grrr...

I strip off my paper gown, re-dress and go out in my sock feet to deal with the boys.  One is upset because of the fight and the scene that it caused, the second is completely unapologetic.  So, child two was taken back with me and sat outside my door.

I get naked again and put on my beautiful paper gown.  Then I started crying.  I was crying because my kids really are good and they acted like that?  I was crying because that's not the real them!  I was crying because I felt sorry for myself.  If I still lived in Small Town, I would not have had to take my children with me.  Which made me think of all the wonderful friends I have and my mother and that I don't have anyone here and no one will give me a chance.  Everyone seems to call my mother in law to tattle on me and I just knew this was going to get back.  Gah, can't I get a break?  Oh, the pity party was awesome.  So much so that the nurses heard me crying.  One popped in to check on me.

"Oh, I'm fine.  Just overwhelmed and frustrated."  Yes, that's what I said with a teary smile and a swollen nose.  My nose swells when I cry.

Another nurse came in and took my hands.  She told me I was fine and the boys were too.  That all children have their moments, and that she herself had four.  Everyone was great about it.  I couldn't have been more blessed given the situation.

That's when she left and then I lost my hearing.

And became very hot.

My lips were tingling.

And I had the equivalent of 30 Mountain Dews racing through my veins from the glucose drink.


Oh, no! was my thought, I'm passing out.  Apparently, while listening to the nurse, I stopped breathing in hopes that snot would not run down my nose.  Then the beautiful paper gown wouldn't let me breathe because it's not really paper, it has that plastic coating.  Could I have a more dramatic presence?

I made the decision to try to get to the sink.  I slid my naked butt down slowly then took each step ever so slowly with super bent knees to make the falling distance less intense while holding my arms slightly in a brace like position so that if I did go down, they might actually have stopped me from breaking my nose.  I made it to the sink and then leaned over it.  Cold water on the wrists, neck, face, through my hair.  Get together, girl!

And I did.  My woman finally came in for my inspection and it was the most gently pap I've had.  I throw that in there to give some victory to the story.  That and the fact that my sugar is awesome!  Seriously, I'm the healthiest fat woman in the world.  One day my body will reflect my habits!  Now that I know all my hormone issues and stuff, I'm hoping I'll get on track after this baby.

All that to say, Tuesday comes only once a week.  Thankfully Tuesdays like that come around hardly ever.  Part of the joys of motherhood, some days are stellar, some are knock down drag outs.  We press on.  Whether we wear high heels or paper gowns.  We're moms and we love our kids.