There are times when it just stinks to be a parent.
These little eggs represent a moment like that. A moment when I didn't want to be a parent.
Aren't those beautiful eggs?
My T is a nature watcher. He had been watching some Eastern Bluebirds for some time. In his bird watching, he notice they kept flying into and out of a post. He came running into the house one day, his face flushed with excitement.
"Momma, I have to show you something wonderful."
He hurried over to our fence post and told me to look into the hollowed out post.
T was thrilled to serve as grandfather to those eggs. He monitored them and gave me daily reports.
Then horror struck.
As we pulled up into our drive after taking the boys to swim practice, we noticed the contracted electric company in the field behind our house. A man with a bit of a Danny Bonaduce look about him met me at my truck as I was pulling out kids.
"We have your electric off for a minute while we reset the pole. We had to pull around your car in front of the gate and knocked over your post but we reset that."
Panic. Panic. Panic.
"Which fence post? Please not the tree post?"
"Ya, but we reset that."
"No, no, no. That had a nest with new eggs in it. My son has been watching them."
"Ah, sorry to hear about that." And he walked away chewing on his toothpick.
T took off running to the fence. The nest was there but no eggs. We began searching the field. No eggs. No eggs. Search. No eggs. No eggs.
Where did they go?
We held each other and cried. Then we prayed for the birds knowing they are not human but that they do feel loss. Then we talked about life circles and moving on.
We also hypothesized about where the eggs were. Did the birds pick them up? We kept seeing the birds go in and out. Were they harvesting their materials for their new nest?
Here's the deal. I have a crazy life that I grew up with. I never learned to cope with anything. I just tucked things away or fixed them. Ya, that works for a while. Until your early 20's and you have a breakdown. Oh, that was just me? My biggest parenting cause is to teach my kids coping mechanisms. I will not allow them to wallow in sorrow or ignore it. There is a balance. There is a process. And that is what we started working on.
We discovered that Eastern Bluebirds will lay another set of eggs each year. We were hopeful that the nest of eggs lost was their first set.
T would come in and tell me daily about how the birds seemed very upset. His own face reflecting deep sadness.
Fast forward two weeks. I was sitting on the swing on our front porch talking to my mom on the phone when I noticed Mr and Mrs Bluebird hustling in and out of the post. Something seemed suspicious. Not the usual activity.
Honestly, I was nervous about looking into their little hole.
But I did.
Then I yelled.
And quickly ran to get Tristan.
All the while forgetting that my mom was being held in my hand.
I told Tristan to look inside.
Here, experience it with him.